Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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