That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize