I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
