Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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