so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
