I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
