why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
