Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Damn victory sex feels great
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
