but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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