dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
