I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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