the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
