Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
