my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
