just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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