please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
