Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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