and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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