Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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