I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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