I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
