Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
