Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
