I have demons in me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
