If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
