you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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