The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
