I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
