Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
