We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
