I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
