Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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