The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
