We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
