After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
