Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
