shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
