so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
