My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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