When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
