new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
