In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
