remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
