Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
