Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
