you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize