Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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