Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
