where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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