We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
