Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have aggressive nipples.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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