I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
