so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
