you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
