im having a threesome with these popsicles
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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