chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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