I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ttyl tear gas
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
