Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
