I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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