awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
