just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
