genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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