I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
