On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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