I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
