Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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