Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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