I think my fart just growled at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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