I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
